You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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