apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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