Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize