He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
