I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
