Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
