Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
