Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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