I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
