Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
