there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
