I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
