you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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