All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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