the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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