He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
