chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
