now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she peed on how many people?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
