he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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