Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
