If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
