You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
