I only kidnapped one of them. chill
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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