next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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