No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
