Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
