There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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