i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
