I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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