So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
