whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
