I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
