My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
