Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
