And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
