Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
