Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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