I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
