I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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