I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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