i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
