I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
