Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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