Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
