Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
