we have pet lesbian snakes
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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