i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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