i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate all girls vehemently.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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