I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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