Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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