lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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