she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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