Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
