If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
