some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We have started to decorate penises.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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